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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210724">Closure</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mangobutterfly/pseuds/Mangobutterfly'>Mangobutterfly</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Station 19 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:14:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,228</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210724</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mangobutterfly/pseuds/Mangobutterfly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic takes place after 3 x 13 and Vic was sad and mad after Pruitt's death. Vic has a cry with Lucas about all the emotions shes kept bottled up.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Victoria Hughes/Lucas Ripley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Closure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>All I ever wanted in season 3 was for Vic to mention Lucas Ripley and how much she loved him.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vic returned home after shift. Dean took Pru out. Vic was home alone.</p><p>Vic was numb from the day. Everyone finally knew she wasn't ok. She is still very much in a dark place. She missed Lucas. </p><p>She reached under her bed and pulled a box with a big heart with an LR in the middle.  Inside there was a stack of clothes that he had left at her place, Polaroid pictures, and anything that reminded her of him.  She put it all away 2 weeks after he died. The pain of seeing it all was just too much. </p><p>Vic took one of Lucas's shirts out of the box and held it to her face, inhaling his scent. Causing tears to start flowing again.  She grabbed a teddy bear that he bought her for valentine's day out of the box and hugged it tight now sobbing loudly. </p><p>Vic laid down sobbing, gripping the shirt and bear tightly. "Lucas I miss you. Why did you leave me?   We were so happy." </p><p>She suddenly felt a calm around her. </p><p>"I'm right here Eggy" Lucas said.  </p><p>She placed her hand on his. "I'm sorry."</p><p>"Sorry for what?" He wrapped his arms tightly round her. </p><p>"I'm sorry I didn't answer the call. I'm sorry you died because of me. I'm sorry I lost…. I'm sorry." Vic cried.</p><p>"Vic you have nothing to be sorry for. It's my fault. I didn't get checked out. I didn't call and tell you that I was running late. I left the hospital. None of this is your fault. And he's here too." Lucas reassured her.</p><p>"He?" Vic sat up and grabbed the positive pregnancy test she took after she got back from the wildfires. She was so happy when she got the news. She would still have a piece of Lucas Ripley forever. She found her new happy place. But before she could celebrate she suffered a miscarriage. Not due to a call. Not due to stress. It just happened.  Her light was gone again. </p><p>"Yes, He. He says he's sorry he couldn't stay. It wasn't time.  We are here together watching over you. He says thank you for all the love you gave him in that short time." Vic started crying again. "I really did love that baby. It was ours."</p><p>"He also says, thanks for taking care of his friend pru with Miller. He knows that there is pain in your smile when you look at her. Pru loves you." Lucas said.</p><p>Vic wiped tears streaming down her face and smiled. "I do love that little girl. She's not mine but she has my heart."</p><p>Vic reached back in the box and pulled out Polaroid pictures they took around her place and the diner and on their secret outings.  Vic laughed "who has polaroids anymore? Us! Making memories in secret." </p><p>"I'm glad we made those memories." Lucas sat next her flipping through the pictures.  "I remember this one. It was the first meal we cooked together." He smiled remembering how half of it was burnt and the other half was under cooked. They ended up filling up on dessert and each other. </p><p>Vic grabbed another pic "remember when we went smoke base jumping.  That was so much fun. Such a rush."  "You were a natural at it. You should really think of training in it. You'd be perfect." Lucas said.</p><p>Vic hung her head. "All I would see is you. It was our thing."</p><p>"Vic you can do our things alone. I'm always with you.  Don't miss out on things because they remind you of me. It was your idea to do that in the first place. I just tagged along."</p><p>"But I didn't want to do it alone." Vic said.</p><p>"Why don't you take Travis with you?" Lucas asked.</p><p>"Travis worries too much. After you and the baby, he smothered me. I couldn't take it anymore. He kept wanting to talk about you. So I pushed him away. And he was super judgy about Jackson. We are still friends but I know he's judging me and my choices." </p><p>"I always liked Montgomery." Lucas chuckled. "He's just looking out for you. He knows you were in a dark place. He's been there too. He just wants to help you through it." </p><p>"I don't need help." Vic snapped. "I just want to forget the pain I feel in my heart." </p><p>"Is that why you hooked up with the doctor? To fill the void. Numb the pain?" Lucas asked with a tear in his eye. </p><p>"He was just a distraction from the pain. I was sick of everyone asking me how I'm doing, if I'm ok. Did I need anything; like I was crippled. You died and my world had to keep going. Jackson was the first person to talk to me like I'm not some widow just waiting to join you. I wanted to feel like I did before I met you. Just carefree. No heart involved."</p><p>"But it was barely a month, Vic."  Lucas stated.</p><p>"I know. It was a huge mistake. But it was something to make me forget you. I didn't even realize how long it had been going on. I know nothing about him except that he is nothing like you. That's the other thing. He doesn't remind me of you. I see you everywhere I go. Work. My old apartment. I can't go to the diner, our place, anymore (I do miss that eggy thing), everywhere. So he was something to focus on."</p><p>"I get it. I'm not happy about it but I get it." Lucas sighed. "I'm sorry I left such a void."</p><p>Tears started streaming down both of their faces. "I'm sorry Lucas if it hurts you." </p><p>"Oh it hurts. I know you were in pain but to jump in bed with the next guy and parade him around as your boyfriend before my body was even cold. Yeah it hurts. You say you loved me; well that's a funny way of showing it. Was I just a void filler too. I remember you wanting to just stay physical too. Did you ever really love me? If you loved me how could you forget me so fast."</p><p>"Lucas Ripley this isn't fair. You know I loved you. Love you. No I haven't forgotten you. Why else would you be here and me crying?  No one knew about us and the times we shared. No one knew how deep our love was and they don't need to know.  It was ours. They didn't know how to handle sad Vic. They didn't understand the level of pain.  So I gave them what they wanted. Bight chipper funny Vic. I brought Jackson up there to make them believe I was ok. They all seemed to stop worrying about me. That's all I wanted.  I never had feelings for him. He is, was, a total distraction. I could never love him." </p><p>"I don't understand why you want to keep our love a secret. Why don't you share with your team our memories. You hated being a secret. You wanted to "live out loud" right? So why not share with the team our story? Show them that it was real and true and not like you were just sleeping with the chief."</p><p>"Because it hurts, Lucas. I don't want people knowing and judging our story. The less they know the better. " Vic broken down again.</p><p>"Judge you about us or judge you about after us?" Lucas quipped.</p><p>Vic rolled her eyes. "I thought you were here to assure me of our love and comfort me not judge me."</p><p>"I'm not judging you. I'm trying to understand where your head is at. I watch you walk around happy and with another man and pretend I never existed to you but then I also see you when you are alone like today and you cry and talk to me. Which one is it?" Lucas said.</p><p>"Nobody needs to see me sad. If I stay happy out there and never alone then I don't have to be sad. The sadness will fade away." Vic said.</p><p>"I don't want to be your sadness. I want to be your happiness." </p><p>"You were, are my happiness. I'm just sad we didn't get more of that happiness. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you. Raise a family. I was going to be first lady of Seattle Fire Department. I wanted to travel the world with you. Big dreams. They are all crushed."</p><p>Lucas sat down next to Vic and wrapped his arm around her. "Don't think about what could have been. Think about the dreams you did have come true. Remember those moments." </p><p>Vic curled up in his arms. "I wanted more. I wanted to spend my life like this." </p><p>"I know Eggy. You can do this forever if you need to. I'm not going anywhere." He kissed her forehead. </p><p>"Remember that time we planned the picnic and got all prepped and ready to go and it decided to rain?" Lucas asked.</p><p>"Yeah, we ended up just setting up in my living room and didn't have to worry about people disturbing us." Vic winked at him.</p><p>"We had fun that day/night." Lucas smiled </p><p>"Remember that time we went on the boat cruise in disguise." Vic asked. </p><p>"We said we would meet there. It took me almost half an hour to find you. You completely changed your hair and put glasses on. That guy came up trying to flirt with you at the bar. You telling him to back off was what finally gave you away. I knew it was you." </p><p>"I couldn't find you either. You slicked your hair back and put on glasses too. You were all Superman/Clark Kent on me. I knew you finally found me when you walked up to the bar and ordered my drink. You know me so well." Vic laughed.</p><p>"We had so much fun. I want more Lucas." Vic started to cry again." </p><p>"I know, but I can't give you more. He kissed her forehead again.  "I know you don't want me telling you what to do, but maybe just hang with friends for a while. Make new memories with them. Share old memories.  Don't try to numb the pain. Face it. Talk about it until it no longer hurts. Let your friends see your tears. I'm sure they will make you laugh about it." </p><p>"I'll try." Vic said wiping her tears and clingy to him a little tighter.</p><p>"I'm sure they've got stories about me too. Don't let Bobby tell you anything about our early years. I was young." Lucas sighed.</p><p>"Oh I'm definitely going to have to talk to him about that then." Vic teased. "Can you believe he married Herrera. I'm jealous.  Happy for them but I'm jealous we never got that. We should be celebrating our one years anniversary. We should have baby Ripley. They get to be together and in the open and happy. I'm jealous." Vic wiped a tear.</p><p>"Pruitt, Claire and I had a good laugh about Bobby and Andy. They look happy. Bobby deserves happiness again." Lucas sighed. "And so do you. One day someone will come along and fill the void I left. He will make all your dreams come true. He will not be a distraction from pain but true love. I'll understand when it happens. Can it just not be tomorrow?" </p><p>"You wouldn't happen to have a long lost twin would you?" Vic joked.  </p><p>They laughed, cried, and reminisced until Vic fell asleep. </p><p>When Vic woke up, Lucas was gone. She was wearing his shirt and gripping the teddy bear. She sat up and looked at the box. The first picture that she found was the pic of them in disguise on the boat.  On the bottom of the  picture was written "I love you Eggy. HLR. Vic grabbed the pic and kissed Lucas in the pic. "I love you too, Hubby Lucas Ripley. </p><p>Vic grabbed her phone and made a call. "Hey Travis. You busy? You want to grab lunch with me? I just need someone to talk to."  She sent him the address of  where she wanted to meet for lunch. </p><p>Vic drove to the location. She smiled laughing at the time the manger caught her and Lucas in the parking lot. She walked in and it all looked the same. Cam came out the back and was shocked and happy to see her again.  </p><p>"Welcome back! Good to see you again. How have you been?" Cam asked. "I'm ok." Was all Vic could get out without crying.  "I know what will make you feel better." "Cam said as he escorted her to her booth.  </p><p>Vic sat in the booth watching the door, still wishing Lucas would walk through one more time.  But instead there was Travis. Travis walked in confused about the location. </p><p>"Vic, what is this place?" he asked.</p><p>"This is…" Vic was cut off by Cam showing up. "Egg Souffle for Ms. Eggy." He announced.  Vic smiled.  "And what can I get for you sir?" Cam asked looking Travis up and down. "Uh let me glance over the menu for a sec." Travis said sending Cam away.</p><p>"Ms. Eggy?" Travis asked. </p><p>"Travis this is our place. Me and Lucas' place…."</p>
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